You carry a far greater purpose

January 11, 2016 in Recovery

“You are not accidental. The world needs you. Without you, something will be missing in existence and nobody can replace it.”

You, yeah you; whoever is reading this blog post right now. You carry such an amazing purpose to this world, whether you believe it or not.

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But listen, your purpose is NOT to be the exceptional dieter and the one who will never ever in a million years miss a workout or eat a cupcake at a friends party. You shouldn’t feel that you are simply defined as the skinny person and that is your role on this earth: to just be skinny, to attain that six-pack and that label of being the clean-eating person who never in a million years would touch some french fries while out to eat because you are condemned to your typical order of a house salad, no dressing. You see, I know all of that; and I know what it’s like to feel that the only purpose you carry in this world is to be the skinny girl who has the most self-control in the world because she can turn down a freshly baked and warm chocolate chip cookie with a warm mug of hot cocoa on a cold winter day. I know for a while I felt like I lacked any purpose at all on this earth besides succeeding the best at I could at anorexia. It was like a game; except the more I succeeded at this little so-called game, the more I was actually losing in the game of life. 

I never reached a point where I wanted to actually be done with this god damn eating disorder until I realized one day, “You know what?? I am tired of feeling like I have to obtain this title of the clean-eating, deathly skinny girl. I am tired of feeling like I can only succeed in diets and eating a dangerously low amount of calories a day.” And of course when I realized this it didn’t all get better in the blink of an eye, it’s all a process; recovery is just one giant self-growth and self-discovery process. But once you DO realize that you are so much more than being defined as that title, the title of the “skinny girl” then THAT is the first step, THAT is the first step toward freedom. 

After I realized that, after I realized that I wasted so much time on this stupid eating disorder, I threw myself into other things. It was hard. I felt like the only thing I could succeed at was remembering how many calories a mango had or being held hostage to every single food rule I created for myself. I had doubts, I had doubts that I would never succeed in anything else and that maybe my sole purpose was to be that girl with the eating disorder. But it’s about fighting those doubts and continuing on through every little obstacle and challenge thrown at us, because if we never really try, how do we know what we are capable of? 

I volunteered, I did swim team, I tried to scrapbook, I joined a bunch of clubs, I immersed myself into social activities and tried hanging out with friends far more than I ever had. I got a job. I spent time with friends and family more. I wrote. I baked. I cooked. I did yoga. I tried a bunch of new hobbies because I knew even on my hardest days that I carried a far greater purpose than that girl who would sit in the god damn corner with her food journal tallying her daily caloric intake; I knew that I was not put on this planet to do that. I could do greater things, and I was ready to. 

Sure, I didn’t like all of those activities, but that’s normal. It’s all about finding what you truly like and what you actually enjoy doing. I found a huge love for yoga. I found a great passion for helping other people. I absolutely LOVE writing now. I love coloring now too and I have found a huge passion in this website and blogging. I am so passionate about helping those with eating disorders and doing anything I can do just inspire that one girl or boy out there who feels absolutely hopeless. I know that for a fact I was put on this earth to do and accomplish so much more than exercising 7 days a week and eating perfectly clean and hardly anything at all. I know for a fact that I am not meant to be defined as the emaciated skinny girl and I do not have to obtain any title related to my body- I do not want to be defined as “Alyssa, the skinny girl. Or “Alyssa, the athletic girl.” I want to be defined by my personality now, my inner characteristics that truly shape who I am; or by the hobbies that I love to do so much; THAT is how I want to be defined. 

And I hope you can all realize this too. I tried to get this message out to the girls  I spoke to at the recovery center last week; as this was the hardest concept I had to grasp. I know the feeling of feeling lost and confused and lacking a purpose in this big and crazy and complicated world; I know it because I’ve been there and I lacked any type of hope possible. But here I am: Alyssa, not the skinny girl who is the best calorie counter and restricter on the planet. Here I am: Alyssa, the girl that LOVES helping others, the girl that is a yogi, that girl that is so silly and loves to laugh, that girl that is unique and has tattoos and piercings that mean so much to her; the girl that loves dogs, the girl that loves to write and truly LIVE. I recognized that I carry a far greater purpose. And I know that each and every one of you reading this will find yours too. And maybe you already have, and maybe you haven’t yet; but I know that you will and you are all capable of such incredible things.

Tell me,

Did you struggle with feeling like the girl/boy with an ED was your main label in life?

What are your hobbies?

What are you passionate about?

Sending my love to you all! Have a great Monday guys!

Xoxo

Lyss <3

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18 Comments

  • Reply Jillian January 11, 2016 at 3:51 pm

    Omg. I LOVE YOU. And I loved reading this! Especially on a Monday. Such a perfect start to the week! 🙂 xoxo

    • Reply Alyssa January 11, 2016 at 4:59 pm

      Thank u so so much for reading, ily and I hope you have a great Monday!! <3

  • Reply Hayley Blake January 11, 2016 at 6:05 pm

    LOVE love love. This is so important and I think what takes girls from being “in recovery” to truly living outside of the eating disorder. I definitely struggled with this but did what you did and put myself out there trying new things as much as possible. What a beautiful post!

    • Reply Alyssa January 11, 2016 at 7:00 pm

      Exactly! Thank you so much for reading Hayley 🙂 hope you have an awesome Monday! <3 xoxo

  • Reply Stephanie January 11, 2016 at 8:54 pm

    Bravo- very well written thank you, Alyssa

    • Reply Alyssa January 18, 2016 at 7:36 pm

      thank you 🙂

  • Reply Ellie January 12, 2016 at 1:29 am

    I need this. I slipped and fell hard on my knee today, and I can’t run or really walk to well on it. It is killing me that tomorrow I probably won’t be running. I am a runner, but I’m not a stupid runner. It really sucks and I’m trying to get used to it. Today I read for three hours (!!!) and just sat around. I had some anxiety, but knew it was the right thing to do. Tomorrow will be a challenge. Pray for me babe. I have a higher purpose 🙂

    • Reply Alyssa January 12, 2016 at 3:56 am

      Praying for you Ellie! I know that you will be able to overcome this challenge and take on the day tomorrow with a a positive attitude. Thank you for reading, sending my love <3

  • Reply adrienne January 12, 2016 at 6:53 pm

    love this! love you too.

    • Reply Alyssa January 12, 2016 at 7:17 pm

      Thank you so much for reading, love you Adrienne! <3 xoxo

  • Reply Sarah January 14, 2016 at 9:17 pm

    I love this!!! I seriously believe that finding a sense of purpose has been the biggest part of my recovery.

    • Reply Alyssa January 18, 2016 at 7:34 pm

      Seriously has helped me SO Much in recovery recognizing that I carry a greater purpose than just restricting calories/obsessively exercising. SO glad you agree! 🙂

  • Reply Emily January 16, 2016 at 5:50 am

    God made us in His image for His glory! It’s an awesome awesome purpose, and it’s one that I’m thinking about so often. <3

    • Reply Alyssa January 18, 2016 at 7:30 pm

      Amen to that girl! I totally agree with you <3 xoxo

  • Reply Link Love 1/17/16 – Blissful Lyss January 17, 2016 at 1:06 pm

    […] You carry a far greater purpose […]

  • Reply Link Love: January 17, 2016 | Jilly January 17, 2016 at 6:13 pm

    […] You Carry A Far Greater Purpose via Blissful-Lyss. […]

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    • Reply Alyssa January 25, 2016 at 8:31 pm

      Thank you so much for including me in this! And for giving me some other awesome stuff to read 🙂 Hope you have a fantastic Monday love! <3 xoxo

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