Hi guys, long time no blog. How have all of you been??
I hope you’ve been doing well and had a great week!!
I apologize for my blogging absence. This was a really, really long week. I had three big papers and an exam, and blogging just wasn’t in the picture. To be honest, it was a hard week for me. One of the hardest weeks I’ve had in a while. And I still feel pretty drained from it.
I’d be lying to y0u all if I told you I’m doing 100% and I’m great and happy, because I’m not. I’ve been struggling a bit, I feel off. That’s why I decided to not blog this week.
My mental health kinda went down the drain these past two weeks. I haven’t been taking care of myself to the best of my ability. I’ve been prioritizing studying over sleep, haven’t been doing any self-care activities, have been crying: a lot. I feel like I’m going through the motions of life, and it’s honestly a shitty feeling. I feel flat. Drained. And nothing is really exciting me.
For those of you who don’t know, I struggled with clinical depression. I am still on an anti-depressant. Because there are chemical imbalances in my brain- and I can’t help that fact. Depression sucked. Depression still does suck. Depression and anxiety are things that I will always struggle with.
I know there are a lot of factors that are causing me to feel this way. My life has been hectic. School has been super busy, and I am all over the place trying to organize club meetings, volunteer, help other people through this blog and Instagram, hang out with friends, spend time with my boyfriend… I’m trying to do it all. I’m stretching myself pretty damn far and I know I’m feeling the effects of that.
I feel weak lately. I don’t feel as strong and I don’t feel as confident. I feel low, and I know that’s okay. Because we can’t have the highs in life without having the lows.
And that’s why I took a week off from blogging, because to be honest; I can’t keep trying to pour from an empty cup. I’m not taking care of myself to the best of my ability, so how can I try to help others and inspire them through this blog when I’m having a hard time helping myself?
I hit a lot of lows this week. Had one of the worst panic attacks I’ve had in a while. Had minor anxiety attacks. Cried. Felt lost, and felt numb. And it just really sucked.
I know ways to get myself out of this little rough patch, and I just have to keep trying to pull myself out of it.
Lately, not a lot has been making me excited and happy besides my boyfriend and best friends. I hardly do yoga. I don’t journal. I don’t go on nature walks, I don’t explore and adventure to new places with my friends. I don’t have time. I feel like I dread yoga. I still workout, but I only went once this week because it just wasn’t in the cards with how much work I had to do. I am just missing that spark, I am missing that excitement and that feeling I get inside my chest when I am just happy and content. I haven’t had that the past few weeks. I haven’t been praying as much, going to church as much. I just feel off.
I know that like every other rough patch I’ve been through and every other difficult time in my life, this too shall pass. Because God have I been through some shitty times. This is just a bump, this isn’t a mountain.
I need to do more things for myself. Find what ignites that spark that hasn’t been lit in a while. I need to trust that everything will be okay and work out. And I need to remind myself that it is okay to struggle. Just because I’m a blogger who talks about mental health doesn’t mean I’m not allowed to struggle and cry- it doesn’t mean that at all. I choose to be authentic and share what I am going through, because God am I far from perfect. I’ll come out stronger on the other end of this. I know I will.
“Never apologize for burning too brightly or collapsing into yourself every night. That is how galaxies are made.”
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