Trying to Please Everyone

November 28, 2016 in Balance

Hi all!! Happy Monday. So happy to be writing today. I do feel so refreshed while writing this (currently Sunday night and still at home)! This break has been a good one and I feel like it’s exactly what I needed. Time away, time to recharge, time to pray, time to do things for me. It was truly a Godsend.

Thanksgiving was so nice. I enjoyed the time with my family. I got to see my best friends from high school, get back into reading the Bible, go to yoga, get in some good workouts, and spend time with my family. And I am SO grateful I got to do all of that.

I know that my blog hasn’t been all rainbows and butterflies lately and all happy and joyful, but the thing is I’m not sorry for that. Because life isn’t always happy and perfect, and that’s what makes life beautiful. That bumps in the road that we overcome and those low points that we dig ourselves out of- those points are where we grow the most.

I did a lot of reflecting over break, a lot of journaling and writing to figure out more why I have been depressed lately and what I can do to actively fix it (besides seeing my therapist of course).

One of the things I realized is that I feel this overwhelming pressure to please people. And I want everyone to be happy with me- I never want to let others down. But the thing is, by doing this, I’m forgetting to please myself- and I’m letting myself down.

Here’s a piece from my journal Friday night:

“stop trying to please people. stop. if you don’t want to hang out with certain people you don’t have to. you need to start putting yourself first. its no wonder you cry so much lately because you put so much god damn pressure on yourself to please every person out there that you’re forgetting about pleasing yourself. Jeez what if you took the time you spent trying to please everyone into trying to do one nice thing for yourself? whether it’s once a week or a few times a week or one small thing a day. Color. Make yourself your favorite tea. Take yourself to yoga. Buy yourself a smoothie. Adventure to a new coffee shop. Adventure to Starbucks. Write. Write until your hand hurts. Work on you. You need that right now.” 

I really did a lot of reflecting on this. One of the problems with why I have been more sad lately is because I get 0 me time. I know myself, and when I don’t have time to reflect on how I’m doing/take time for self-care, my mental health takes a downward spiral. And I was thinking this break how I can take more time for myself in a positive way. Maybe instead of scrolling through the Instagram explore page for 10 minutes I can listen to my favorite playlist and color, or I can listen to part of a podcast and put my phone down and just be mindful in the moment. Instead of those 10 minutes on Instagram I can take 10 minutes to write out some of my favorite quotes or 10 minutes to pray. I know I need to do mindless things because that is SO healthy, but I also know that I need more time to pray and more time to do things that are good for my soul. And in college, you don’t have time for it all. So you have to sculpt it in somehow, and that’s one way I want to do it.

This also got me thinking about how I would have a bit more time if I listened to what I want to do rather than do what I feel like I should do. There is a HUGE difference there: because what I want to do needs to come first and I have to take that pressure off myself to do what I feel like I should do, because I know what is best for me at the end of the day. And for me personally, it’s hard to not try and please everyone. I hate when people are upset with me and I hate having to cancel a plan. But I need to realize that is okay. That is 100% completely okay. I don’t have to hang out with people that I don’t feel like hanging out with that day. I can get my food to go and eat in my room and watch Netflix. I don’t always need to have a plan with someone. I can take that time I have during a meal and use that as self-care time. And it is okay if someone gets a bit frustrated with me for doing that. I have to stop caring so much and just remember that I need to start caring more about myself and my own needs.

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“When you say ‘yes’ to others, make sure you are not saying ‘no’ to yourself.” -Paulo Coelho 

It is okay to say no. It is 100%, completely and totally okay to say no sometimes. It is healthy to do that. I need to more cognizant of why I am saying yes to things: is it to please that person? Or is because I actually want to do or go wherever they are going? When I say yes to someone, am I actually saying no to myself?

I guess it scares me too saying no, because I don’t want people to not like me. That will always scare  me. Freshmen and sophomore year of high school I hardly had any friends because I was so trapped in my eating disorder. And to be honest it still scares me that the same scenario will happen again one day. I don’t have a lot of best friends. I have 3 people at college I consider my best friends. And I have a few other friends as well, but not best best friends. The thing is, my best friends will understand. They get me and know me- they want me to be happy. And I am so thankful for that in itself. And I pray to God that I meet a few more girls like that and who are like myself throughout this year too, and that God will open my eyes to some new souls I have never even met before.

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“Today I shall be doing something that I don’t normally do- I”m putting ME first.” 

We need to remember to put ourselves first. We aren’t selfish for that at ALL. We are smart for doing that. Because in order to be able to help others and spread that love we all have within us, we need to make sure that we are giving that love to ourselves.

Thank you all for the love and prayers you have given me these past 2 weeks. I truly cannot thank you enough and this blogging community for all you do for me. I am eternally grateful for each and every one of you!

Tell me any thoughts you have on this. I would love to hear them! And I would love to hear about your Thanksgivings too if ya wanna leave a comment about that. 🙂 

I hope you all have a wonderful Monday! Stay positive and remember that y’all can overcome anythingggg!!

Xoxo

Lyss <3

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24 Comments

  • Reply Kristy from Southern In Law November 28, 2016 at 7:06 am

    Fellow people pleaser here so I totally understand how you feel.

    Saying no was something I really committed myself to this year and I cannot tell you how much better this year was than any year before. I was someone who always said yes – even when I didn’t want to – and people actually abused that willingness. This year I’ve realised I can’t say yes to everything and by saying no sometimes I’m actually making people happier when I do say yes because I have the energy to give it my all instead of running around like a headless chook.

    It was SO hard to get used to – but now I realise that it was a hard thing I needed to do!
    Kristy from Southern In Law recently posted…Recipe: Italian Garlic and Herb Roasted ChickpeasMy Profile

    • Reply Alyssa December 5, 2016 at 2:24 pm

      I’m so glad that you realized saying no is ok- because that is SO important1

  • Reply Marina @ A Dancer's Live-It November 28, 2016 at 12:51 pm

    I TOTALLY understand where you’re coming from. I used to do that my sophomore year. I would say yes to everyone who asked me to be in their choreographic pieces and I would always want to have a “plan” too. Where did that leave me? Exhausted and unable to fully allow my body to recover from my ED. I need to work on putting me first as well, but just know that I think you are INCREDIBLE! 🙂 Always know that you’ve got a friend in me. <3 xoxo
    Marina @ A Dancer’s Live-It recently posted…Glazed Whole Wheat SnickerdoodlesMy Profile

    • Reply Alyssa December 5, 2016 at 2:25 pm

      saying yes to everything gets so exhausting- because we end up stretching ourselves wayyyy to far!

  • Reply Emily November 28, 2016 at 5:49 pm

    Yesterday, during the service and during a Bible study in the evening, I was so convicted that I’ve been much more of a people pleaser than a Jesus pleaser. This verse keeps coming back to me from Galatians 1:10, ‘For do I now persuade men, or God? or do I seek to please men? for if I yet pleased men, I should not be the servant of Christ.’ The burden of people pleasing is heavy, but now that Jesus Christ has brought us to God, His yoke is SO easy and and so light. <3 <3
    Emily recently posted…Friday Favorites: A Day of ThanksgivingMy Profile

    • Reply Alyssa December 5, 2016 at 2:26 pm

      i love that verse! thank you for that em!

  • Reply Megan Hallier November 28, 2016 at 7:00 pm

    I’ve discovered how much good comes from journalling. It is such a relief to write things down and get them out of your head. I was reading over my journal last night looking at all the things I was worried about/crying about and it’s actually so cool to see how God has answered so many prayers.
    Good on you for saying no sometimes and creating space for yourself!
    Megan Hallier recently posted…11 productive things to do when you have free timeMy Profile

    • Reply Alyssa December 5, 2016 at 2:27 pm

      journaling is SO therapeutic! I am so thankful for it

  • Reply Claire at My Pink & Green Life November 28, 2016 at 11:40 pm

    I think what I have to say is that I absolutely 100% agree with everything you wrote! This year I especially have struggled with saying no to family, which is so hard because they only want what they feel is their fair share of my time and energy–but you have to remember that you’re not only here to give of yourself, you need time to work on you, too!
    Claire at My Pink & Green Life recently posted…Living SmallerMy Profile

    • Reply Alyssa December 5, 2016 at 2:27 pm

      you are so right that we have to give ourselves time to work on ourselves!

  • Reply kat November 29, 2016 at 2:20 pm

    I’m so glad that you had a chance to recharge and re-ignite that fire within you this weekend. And reflection is so key, so Im glad you were able to do that as well! I think the need to please everyone is something that is engrained in us as women. I don’t know any woman who doesn’t feel this way [or hasn’t at some point!]. It’s really something that we need to sit down and analyze and think about – does God really want us to be EVERYTHING to EVERYONE or does He want us to use our time wisely to make the most impact in our relationships? Thats how I try to look at it, if that helps at all 😉
    kat recently posted…Almond Butter Grape Smoothie [Vegan & Paleo]My Profile

    • Reply Alyssa December 5, 2016 at 2:29 pm

      you are so right that he wants us to take time to make the most impact in our relationships- thank you for that kat!

  • Reply Alison @ Daily Moves and Grooves November 29, 2016 at 11:17 pm

    Oof this hits me, girl. I can most definitely relate to feeling the need to please everyone, even if I’m making myself miserable while doing it. It has taken a lot of trial and error (and it always continues to be that way) when it comes to saying yes or no to events/people. I think the main thing that has helped me is to not be afraid to make a wrong decision. If I choose to not do something and people are upset with me, then so be it. If I choose do something and I don’t feel great about it, then so be it. Next time, I have a better idea of what is best for me.
    Thank you so much for sharing, Lyss!! Keep on keeping on, girl. ♥︎
    Alison @ Daily Moves and Grooves recently posted…First FriendsgivingMy Profile

    • Reply Alyssa December 5, 2016 at 2:29 pm

      thank YOU for reading Alison! I’m glad someone else can relate to me on this. We will get better at saying no!

  • Reply Ellie Pell November 30, 2016 at 12:41 am

    I’m glad you had such a great Thanksgiving Lyss! I think being a people pleaser is ok in certain situations, but you’ve gotta pick those times wisely. For example, pleasing people at your job is a great thing, but also it’s important not to take that baggage home with you. Some people are never satisfied no matter what you do. I also think that people who you can never please says more about them than it does you. I try to remember that when I cannot for the life of me make someone happy.
    Ellie Pell recently posted…Almond Butter Chickpea Pasta With Butter BeansMy Profile

    • Reply Alyssa December 5, 2016 at 2:31 pm

      you’re right that it’s important to recognize those different situations… good point ellie!

  • Reply Heather @ Polyglot Jot November 30, 2016 at 1:26 am

    I can definitely relate to this too..it feels easier to say yes than to say no to people! Over the years Ive come to realize that it’s okay to say no and we dont need to apologize for it!
    Heather @ Polyglot Jot recently posted…November Goals & Intentions ReviewMy Profile

    • Reply Alyssa December 5, 2016 at 2:32 pm

      you are so right that we Do not need to apologize for it!

  • Reply Melanie November 30, 2016 at 2:05 am

    I feel like I could have written this post myself! I relate to this so much Alyssa. I find myself trying to please everyone way too often. It’s something I’ve struggled with for a long time. I’m afraid of letting others down and even more afraid of others not liking me. It’s so important, like you said, to put ourselves first. College (and life in general) already bring so many commitments and we can’t do it all. Thanks for sharing, it was such a great reminder for me to keep working on this. <3

    • Reply Alyssa December 5, 2016 at 2:33 pm

      College does bring so many commitments. it’s so important to realize we can’t do everything!

  • Reply Evangeline November 30, 2016 at 3:51 pm

    Ooh I struggle with this all the time. I want to be able to do everything for everyone all the time, but I can’t. It just makes me tired and overwhelmed. This reminder is wonderful. Thank you <3

    • Reply Alyssa December 5, 2016 at 2:33 pm

      Thank YOU for reading! <3

  • Reply amanda -runtothefinish November 30, 2016 at 4:03 pm

    I think the older I get the easier it is for me to say no without a shred of guilt. I know I can’t do everything and if i’m not happy/healthy I’m not fun anyways!

  • Reply Alyssa December 5, 2016 at 2:34 pm

    that is awesome you have gotten better at that Amanda!

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