Thinking out Loud 2/18/16: I break every food rule in the book

February 18, 2016 in Recovery

Hi guys and happy Thursday! Going to be sharing some thoughts today as it is Thursday. Thank you Amanda for letting me share what’s on my mind today and the link up!

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I break every food rule in the book.

So, there really isn’t a book- but ya get what I’m sayin. I break the food rules of society. I break the food rules of the health industry. I break every rule I used to enforce for myself. Because I believed that these were all true. And I believed that if I didn’t follow these food rules; that I would balloon up-that I would become “disgusting” and “fat” and even more worthless than I believed I already was.

Well, as I am sitting here this Wednesday night writing this, I can tell you that I just broke one of the food rules that some deem is “bad” for you. I just ate a snack at 9:00 p.m. OMG- but that’s past 7:00 p.m!! And guess what the snack was… crackers and a banana. DOUBLE OMG- CARBS!! NO carbs after 7:00 p.m. either!! This is how I lived my life for three years. Victim to this and many other food rules that were engrained into my brain as being correct and that I believed would help me be the skinniest and healthiest version of myself. And the funny thing is? I thought I was living during these three years because I was convinced that by following these rules I would get a smaller body, and a smaller body was equivalent to happiness for me. But each and every freaking day I obeyed these rules, it was like I was becoming prisoner- prisoner to my mind, prisoner to these rules, prisoner to the thoughts in my brain. I couldn’t escape; it was like being trapped behind bars. And each and every day I followed these rules because I believed they would lead me on the path to happiness; yet in reality, these rules just led me on downward detrimental spiral of depression and feelings of worthlessness about myself and body.

No eating after 7:00 p.m. Fats make you fat. Organic foods only. Fruit has too much sugar. No junk food. Limit dairy. Limit carbs. Only drink water. Measure every single thing. Count your calories- write them down too so you don’t forget them. Don’t eat the same thing twice in one day. Always pick low-calorie and low-fat options. 

These were just some of the food rules that I was victim too. I made sure to follow these rules every single damn day. These rules would be followed precisely. Following these rules gave me a sense of control; gave me a sense of relief that I wouldn’t become that dreaded “F” word. But with recovery and with treatment I began to realize how stupid these food rules were. And how I thought I had such complete control when in reality, my brain was controlling me. I lacked every inch of power I thought I had regarding food because heck, it was controlling me! It was controlling my thoughts, it was controlling my decisions, it was controlling my mood. I never had any control-it was in the hands of my eating disorder the whole time.

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“You deserve love+care from yourself.” 

So now? I eat after 7:00 p.m. Heck, I’ll eat at 2:00 a.m. now if I’m out with friends or coming home from a night out. I always eat after 7:00 p.m. now. I love having a snack before bed. And now? I eat all the fats- because fats do NOT make you fat friends. That’s the biggest BS. I eat my peanut butter and I eat my almond butter; I eat my avocados and my full-fat/full-calorie salad dressing; I eat my trail mix and I eat my cream cheese. And now? I don’t eat all organic anymore. I eat tons of fruit because I love it. I eat my fair share or “junk food.” Another thing- I don’t only drink water anymore. Bring on the coffee and the lattes, bring on the juice and the almond milk. And now? I don’t measure anything anymore unless it’s for a recipe or I am baking something. I don’t count calories. I eat the same thing more than once in a day. I never intentionally pick low-calorie or low-fat options. I break every single food rule that I used to follow so rigidly; I break every single one of these rules. I break some of those rules that the health-nuts claim to be true; I don’t follow any rules regarding what I eat. And guess what- I didn’t balloon up when I broke these food rules, I didn’t become disgusting and I didn’t become that dreaded “F” word that so many people in society fear. I didn’t become gross and I didn’t feel more worthless when I broke these rules; in fact, I felt genuine happiness and freedom. I felt alive. A feeling I hadn’t felt for a long time. I felt like I was actually livingnot just going through the day-to-day monotony of commanding the orders of my eating disorder and these food rules. I felt alive and I felt free. 

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“Free yourself.”

 

And if you ask me, that’s how it should be. Because if we create these food rules for ourselves, if we don’t allow ourselves to eat a certain thing or we don’t eat even though we are starving and it’s past 7:00 p.m., then isn’t that just letting food control you?? If you create and follow these food rules, then you aren’t living. You are not living free from your eating disorder, you are not living a life with a healthy relationship surrounding food. Surrendering yourself free from these food rules doesn’t make you weak; surrendering yourself free from these food rules doesn’t mean that you lack control and are powerless- in fact, it means quite the opposite. It means that you are strong. You are strong for putting yourself and your happiness first. You are strong for taking charge and not letting food and your eating disorder be the commander of your life. You are strong, you are in control now; not the food and your eating disorder. And when you are in control, you have the power to do some pretty amazing things with your life.

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“Faith is taking the first step even when you don’t see the whole staircase.” 

Take that step. Break those food rules. Break these rules that you hold so heavily and tightly upon yourself. Let go of them. Allow yourself to live. Allow yourself to take charge- to take charge of your life, to take charge of your happiness. Let yourself live a life free from the grips of food and calories and numbers. Because a life free from that is possible.

No questions today, but I would love to hear your thoughts on this post! Thank you so much for reading. :) 

Hope you guys have a great day!

Sending my love as always.

Xoxo

Lyss<3

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40 Comments

  • Reply Lynne February 18, 2016 at 8:44 am

    A true heartfelt post Lyss. I can relate to every word you are saying.
    I too, was a prisoner, I too thought I was in control….it’s all turned around for me, and now I eat what I want, when I want, I am the healthiest I have ever been in my life. You go girl 🙂

    • Reply Alyssa February 18, 2016 at 3:55 pm

      I am so happy that you are at the point where you can eat what you want and when you want to! Thank you for your support Lynee 🙂

  • Reply Stephanie February 18, 2016 at 1:35 pm

    Alyssa,
    I so enjoyed reading this post. You are relaying such an important message to people. People who think they are so in control, when actually they are not, the food is controlling them! THANK YOU. I am so very proud of the person you are and continually trying to be!

    • Reply Alyssa February 18, 2016 at 3:55 pm

      Thanks so much mom!! Thank YOU for all your support, you rock!! ily <3

  • Reply Marina @ A Dancer's Live-It February 18, 2016 at 2:06 pm

    I love this and everything you post!! Who’s to say you can’t eat after 7PM; I stuck by that rule and every other “rule” when I was going through my disorder too. Even if I was hungry! At most, I would have a fruit after dinner and call that “dessert”. Now, if I want dessert, you can bet I’m gonna eat a REAL dessert! 🙂 Thanks for sharing your thoughts Lyss, you’re amazing! <3

    • Reply Alyssa February 18, 2016 at 3:54 pm

      Amen to that!! And no way is fruit dessert haha. Thank you so much for reading Marina, YOU are amazing <3

  • Reply Julia @ Lord Still Loves Me February 18, 2016 at 4:07 pm

    I finally added you to my Bloglovin! I SWEAR, I though I already had, but my brain tustve tricked me. Well, now I’m getting your posts definitely. 🙂 I LOVE that you’re breaking all of your rules!!! You go girl! Seriously, it is so difficult to break through every single barrier that finds its way into our lives after an eating disorder, so I’m encouraged your determination!

    • Reply Alyssa February 18, 2016 at 4:25 pm

      Aw thanks for the follow girly!! And thank you for your support on this post, means so much to me! Hope you are having a great week Julia 🙂

  • Reply Megan February 18, 2016 at 6:53 pm

    Yes yes yes! It makes me so happy (but also sad) to know that I’m not the only one who let food rules control my life. All the stress and anxiety it caused was ridiculous. I’m so thankful that you are free from it now and can spread the message to help others!

    • Reply Alyssa February 18, 2016 at 7:37 pm

      So true- all the stress and anxiety it caused was crazy! Thank you so much for your support Megan- it means so much to me 🙂 xoxo

  • Reply Maddy February 18, 2016 at 8:50 pm

    YESSS X1000000
    As soon as i started breaking those rules, no matter how scary it was or no matter how slowly i challenged those thoughts, my mind became so much calmer, happier, and able to live again 🙂

    • Reply Alyssa February 19, 2016 at 3:31 am

      Ah you are the best thank you for reading babe!! Once I ditched these rules I was so much calmer and was actually able to live FREELY <3 love ya girly

  • Reply Cayanne Marcus @healthyezsweet February 18, 2016 at 9:04 pm

    This is beautiful Lyss. Read the “rules” in italics at the top while I was sitting in class (bad Cay, I know ;P) and it almost brought me to tears. It brings me back to just ONE teaspoon – never tablespoon – of cheese on my eggs. No croutons on the salad. Only light options. I’m so glad you chose to talk about this today and PS if there was an actual book – it’d be the one I’d be down to burn.

    • Reply Alyssa February 19, 2016 at 3:29 am

      So crazy to think about those stupid food rules we used to follow… we weren’t living at all!! I would so burn that book too if there was one.

  • Reply Sarah February 19, 2016 at 12:19 am

    I used to have all those food rules too. I am so proud of you girl for breaking these rule on a daily basis! You are such an incredible reverie role model <3

    • Reply Alyssa February 19, 2016 at 3:27 am

      Thank you Sarah- you are so sweet!! Thank you for your kind words <3

  • Reply Hayley February 19, 2016 at 1:30 am

    Loved this post x a billion!! I am the same way girl…I have been breaking so many rules and it is so FREEING! It makes me so happy. You are wonderful girl!

    • Reply Alyssa February 19, 2016 at 3:26 am

      Same here- it feels so freeing to not have these rules to follow anymore! You are so wonderful babe <3

  • Reply Ellie February 19, 2016 at 1:47 am

    YOU ARE AMAZING! I think some food guidelines are great (like eat everyday or take time to breathe between bites) but going too far and obsessing is ridiculous! How can anyone enjoy food with strict rules. I can tell your passionate about overcoming these things and it’s wonderful to hear <3 <3 <3

    • Reply Alyssa February 19, 2016 at 3:25 am

      YOU are amazing 🙂 It really does get too obsessive and gets taken too far! Thanks for reading Ellie 🙂

  • Reply Meghan February 19, 2016 at 2:15 am

    Absolutely LOVED this post. I can relate to it SO much. I had ENDLESS rules. You are AMAZING and thank you so much for sharing <3

    • Reply Alyssa February 19, 2016 at 3:24 am

      Aw thank you so much!! Thank you for reading girly, xoxo <3

  • Reply Catherine @ foodiecology February 19, 2016 at 2:30 am

    Love it. What a great message.
    There should be no rules in eating, unless it’s something like “I will always eat dessert if I have a taste for it” or “I won’t count the spoons of peanut butter I eat in a day” haha.

    • Reply Alyssa February 19, 2016 at 3:24 am

      Amen!! Never ever count the spoons of peanut butter you eat in a day 🙂 thanks for reading Catherine! xoxo

  • Reply Stephanie Leduc February 19, 2016 at 5:26 am

    Very great post! If you want to know of an extremely amazing food that everyone thinks should be low fat, but I am telling you that the high fat version will change your life…. yogurt!! Seriously, 0% yogurt is just plain nasty in comparison, the moment fat is added in, the yogurt no longer has all these added sweetners and it tastes so creamy and amazing! Glad to know you are breaking the “food rules”, you are living life much healthier this way!

    • Reply Alyssa February 19, 2016 at 2:02 pm

      0% yogurt is just not the same- so true!! Or Fat free cheese… fat free anything is not the same! Thank you for your support Steph! <3

  • Reply Taylor February 19, 2016 at 12:34 pm

    Really great post! I think many of us can relate to going through times in our lives when certain foods were off limits or “cheat” foods. Life is much more enjoyable and fun when you don’t have limitations or restrictions.

    • Reply Alyssa February 20, 2016 at 1:49 am

      So true- life is much more enjoyable without limitations or restrictions!!

  • Reply Edye February 19, 2016 at 9:25 pm

    AMEN! Girl, I eat a snack at 9 pm every night. I’m all for breaking society’s “food rules” 😉 Fats are so good and good for you. I love that you touched on that as well. For a long time I was scared of eating them, but thankfully I overcame it. Peanut butter is too yummy not to eat.

    Blessings,
    Edye // Gracefulcoffee

    • Reply Alyssa February 20, 2016 at 1:52 am

      So proud of you for overcoming these stupid rules as well, that is such an accomplishment in itself! Thanks for reading Edye 🙂 xoxo

  • Reply Emily February 20, 2016 at 3:55 am

    YES, oh wow, I am amazed that the more that God enables me to step out in faith by His power and might, the more, the food rules start to fall away. YES!!!! 🙂

    • Reply Alyssa February 20, 2016 at 4:37 pm

      Thank you so much for your support Emily!!

  • Reply Link Love: February 21st, 2016 - Lord Still Loves Me February 21, 2016 at 3:02 am

    […] I Break Every Food Rule in the Book — Blissful Lyss […]

  • Reply Link Love 2/21/16 – Blissful Lyss February 21, 2016 at 4:11 am

    […] I break every food rule in the book […]

  • Reply Erin February 21, 2016 at 6:50 am

    You go girl! Great job challenging the rules that imprisoned you for far too long!

    • Reply Alyssa February 21, 2016 at 6:54 pm

      Thank you so much Erin! <3

  • Reply Cora February 21, 2016 at 2:32 pm

    This is wonderful, and you are a wonderful writer.
    Every time I read a post in this vain, I am beyond fascinated at our brains’ ability to shift mental patterns and our own ability to change a way of living we once felt was a massive part of us. Granted, I’m still working on it, but those changes and shifts really do happen. And this is such proof.
    I think the greatest lesson when letting yourself break these rules really has nothing to do with how your body does or does not change, but how you do not become a bad person. Or worthless, as you said. Who we are as human beings depends nothing upon any silly rules. Thank you <3

    • Reply Alyssa February 21, 2016 at 6:41 pm

      Thank you so much Cora. So true with what you said- you do NOT become a bad person when you break these rules. Amen to that! Thank you for reading <3

  • Reply Sarah @ BucketListTummy February 22, 2016 at 2:26 am

    Loved this post!! I was like screaming for joy after each sentence. It sounds you have come a long way, and I’m so happy to hear that you no longer feel like a prisoner and you feel ALIVE. I hate those silly myths that circle around about carbs being “bad” and late night eating leading to weight gain. It’s so much easier said than done, but mind over matter. We need nourishment over anything.

    • Reply Alyssa February 22, 2016 at 4:56 am

      Aw thank you so much!! So so true, nourishment ALWAYS comes first. Thank you for your support! 🙂

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