Take Care of your Temple Tuesday #4

August 30, 2016 in Recovery

Hi guys and happy Tuesday! Tuesday’s = another day I get to link up with my gal pal Emily to talk about  how important and vital it really is to take care of your body; as our bodies are temples! Taking care of your body means providing an endless amount of love for yourself, fueling yourself with feel good food and food that makes your soul thrive, moving in a way that makes you smile, and fitting in that self-care time even in the busiest seasons of our lives.

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Today I am super excited because I have someone guest posting for you guys, and boy is this gal amazing. Warm welcome for my beautiful friend Trine! <3


Hi all you beautiful souls! My name is Katrina but I prefer to go by Trine. I’m 25 years old and a junior in college studying Psychology. My long term goal is to become a therapist for those dealing with eating disorders and other mental health issues. Possibly also for those who have lost parents at a young age since I lost my mom when I was 12. I am in recovery from an eating disorder, anxiety, and depression, which is what has fueled my passion to become a therapist to help others. I am a lover off all things Fall, lattes, breakfast, freckles, reading, yoga, pastels and neutral colors, ice cream and fro yo, falafel, bananas and nut butter, Sunday’s, and making people smile. After too many years of self hate and wanting to give up on life, I am finally starting to find out who I really am and how I want my life to be. Life is beautiful and messy and worth fighting for.

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Ambivalence vs. acceptance 

Everyone has been there; the feeling of ambivalence while battling an eating disorder. I can clearly remember the days and moments when I didn’t even acknowledge the idea of recovery because I was too wrapped up in my eating disorder and the false relationship that it was providing for me. It was my safety blanket and my identity. I went from Trine, the fun-loving, good listener, kind, thoughtful, silly, high school and all-star cheerleader, to the girl with anorexia. At the time, anorexia erased all of the thoughts about my “manly muscles” and replaced them with being tiny and fragile. However as I’m sure many of you know, the eating disorder is never satisfied and will never settle on one weight or size no matter how small it may be. Before you know it, you’re caught in a dangerous, vicious cycle of giving up your life to your eating disorder.

I remember my family being so frustrated with me because no matter how bad it got, I never would commit to putting in the effort to get better. The fear of gaining weight, not running __ miles a day, and being forced to eat much more than I was used to was all that I could think about. Plus, I didn’t feel “sick enough,” which I know almost everyone feels at one point or another (which is so not true!). Ambivalence was the key emotion that I was feeling at that time. It held me back from taking the plunge and finally committing to doing the hard work that is recovery, and sticking to it. I went to listen to countless recovery speakers, but I always had the excuse that I was “different” and that everyone else was capable of fighting but I wasn’t. I felt hopeless and truly didn’t think that I would ever live a life not consumed by my eating disorder all day every day. Fear is what fueled my ambivalence, and it was what kept me wrapped in my “safety blanket” for too many years. Unfortunately, no one can make you recover except yourself.

After a few years in quasi-recovery and denial, I had an “aha” moment and finally decided that I needed to make a change. I can’t express enough how grateful I am that I had that moment on that September fall evening in 2014. For the first time, I was TRULY committing to recovery. I fought to get the treatment that I needed, and it changed my life. I have always said that the theme of that last treatment stay was acceptance. I went into it accepting that I would need to gain a lot of weight if I wanted to get better. I accepted that I would need to stop exercising so that I could form a newer and healthier relationship with it. I accepted that I would be eating foods that my eating disorder deemed “unhealthy.” I accepted that my body image would be terrible and that I would be so tempted to use behaviors. I accepted that leaving school while nearing the end of the semester was what I needed to do. I accepted that I would need to talk about some really difficult things like my mom’s death, but it’s what I needed in order to move forward. I accepted that recovery would be the most uncomfortable and challenging thing that I would ever have to do, but also that it would be the most rewarding thing I would ever do.

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Now being almost 3 years out of treatment, I still use acceptance in my every-day life, and not just in terms of my recovery. That’s because my life doesn’t revolve only around recovery now, I have to deal with real-life things like pressure in school, work, and my relationships. Acceptance is something that I am continuously working on, and I have to remind myself that I need to trust in God’s plan for me. I have begun to accept that sometimes relationships with once good friends break apart, that grades don’t define me, and that my job won’t always be enjoyable even if I love it overall. I still have to accept that being full doesn’t make me fat and that some days I will feel uncomfortable in my body, but I remind myself that it always passes. Most importantly, I have made an effort to accept that not all days are good days and that is okay. A bad day in recovery is a million times better than the best day with my eating disorder.

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So, what is my overall take-away message from this post? That acceptance is the first step to getting your life back and usually the hardest step, or at least that’s how it was for me. Also that acceptance is something that needs to be continuously practiced throughout everyday life. Let’s face it, life is messy and imperfect, but that’s how it is meant to be. Ambivalence and fear will pop up every now and then, but you are capable of facing those feelings. You won’t always like what life throws at you, but accepting it for what it is rather than fighting it will only give you a better quality of life.

I feel like i should add something else: I am someone who is open and honest about my struggles, and of course I have down days. However the difference now is that I am strong enough to be rational and fight my thoughts. I’m not perfect and I truly believe recovery is a lifelong journey with many ups and downs, but I don’t think I will ever fully go back to my eating disorder. I have realized how amazing truly living is and not just surviving. I want you all to know that struggling doesn’t make you weak or a failure. What matters is that you pick yourself up and fight back. Through struggle comes strength.

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Follow Trine on Instagram at trinekxx and on Tumblr at florissante-toujours!

Thank you all for reading, and I’m so happy I could have such an amazing soul guest post for me today. Trine is a true symbol of strength and I know she has an amazing future ahead!

No questions today, but leave some feedback below!! As Trine and I would greatly appreciate it. Reading y’alls comments truly puts the biggest smile on my face. 🙂 

Also, thank you for bearing with me during this busy time in my life! Once I get a routine going with school, I will definitely be up and back to doing what I love: blogging and writing! 

Have a happy Tuesday friends!!

Stay connected:

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Instagram: blissful_lyss29

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Twitter: blissful_lyss29     

Youtube: Alyssa Cristadoro

AND- Don’t forget to check out Emily’s blog here!

 

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18 Comments

  • Reply Emily August 30, 2016 at 5:12 am

    AMEN! Trine, life may have its challenges, but if God is for us who can be against us? So thankful to hear and read this awesome story of hope and healing and recovery and the wonder of living again. And you like so many of the delicious foods I like too!!! We should go on a fro-yo outing some day.
    Emily recently posted…Why You Should Eat This Chocolate Cherry LoafMy Profile

    • Reply Trine August 30, 2016 at 3:23 pm

      Emily you are too sweet! That means a lot coming from such a wonderful human being. You yourself are very inspirational and I think that a fro yo date is a must 🙂 Hugs!

  • Reply Lynne August 30, 2016 at 11:25 am

    Brilliant post Lyss 🙂 Happy Tuesday to you 🙂
    Lynne recently posted…Polenta Pizza with Caramelized Onions, Cherry Tomatoes and FetaMy Profile

  • Reply Stephanie August 30, 2016 at 12:07 pm

    Thank you for a wonderful post and Emily for sharing your story, you are inspiration to us all!

    • Reply Stephanie August 31, 2016 at 12:01 am

      I am so sorry I meant Trine for sharing her story!

      • Reply Trine August 31, 2016 at 12:53 am

        Thank you Stephanie!

  • Reply Heather @ Polyglot Jot August 30, 2016 at 12:12 pm

    Cant wait to check out Emily’s blog–love finding awesome bloggers! Thanks for sharing your story!
    Heather @ Polyglot Jot recently posted…5 Ways I’ve Lowered My Grocery BillMy Profile

  • Reply Kat August 30, 2016 at 1:48 pm

    This was a great read for me today. I am struggling with the fear of gaining weight but the knowledge that it is necessary. This encouraged me that freedom from ED will be worth it in the long run. Thanks for sharing!

    • Reply Trine August 30, 2016 at 3:19 pm

      Hi Kat! Believe me, your fear is rational and of course it’s scary. I remember I was so afraid to gain weight because I had this image in my head of what I would look like and I said to my team that I didn’t want to be miserable and hate myself for the rest of my life. Well 2 years later, I can tell you that what you think you’ll look like is irrational. Your eating disorder is just trying to scare you. I never ever would have thought I would actually like how I look sometimes but I do. I promise that those few weeks/months of shittiness is so so worth it. Hugs!

    • Reply Trine August 30, 2016 at 3:30 pm

      Hi Kat! Gaining weight has been one of the most difficult but crucial things in my recovery and I fought it for so long. I had this image in my head of how I thought I would look (huge, fat, ugly, etc.) and said to my team that I didn’t want to be miserable for the rest of my life because of my body so I wouldn’t gain weight. Well, I can tell you that 2 years later and weight restored, there are actually days where I like how I look which I never imagined could be possible with 20+ pounds. It is going to suck, but my advice is to push through the discomfort. Once you get over that hump, it will start to get better. Body image is unfortunately the last thing to go, but it will be better than struggling with an eating disorder causing you to be miserable, cold, shaky, weak, moody, depressed, and basically just surviving life. I’m really glad that you know that its necessary because that’s the first step. You can do it! Feel free to contact me if you ever want to chat xox

  • Reply Jasmyn August 30, 2016 at 10:21 pm

    Your vibrant smile and positivity is literally so contagious! I can relate to so many of these ideas and find it so inspiring to hear that you’ve made so much progress in your own life. Thank you for the totally uplifting post xxx

    • Reply Trine August 31, 2016 at 12:54 am

      I’m so happy to hear that you got something out of my post. I hope it helps you keep pushing forward in your own recovery xoxo

  • Reply Kate August 30, 2016 at 11:33 pm

    I think you make a great point Trine. We all have down days. It’s not falling prey to always having bad days that is key.
    Thanks for sharing your story.
    Kate recently posted…New beginningsMy Profile

    • Reply Trine August 31, 2016 at 12:55 am

      Thank you!

  • Reply Kristy from Southern In Law August 31, 2016 at 1:42 am

    What a great story! I love that Trine acknowledges that she’s a human and has down days because I feel like often people don’t realise that their “recovery inspirations” (or whatever inspiration it may be) don’t live in a sunshine and roses kinda world – we’re all real people who have to deal with the ups and downs of life!
    Kristy from Southern In Law recently posted…Kristy’s Random Ramblings #8My Profile

  • Reply Sarah August 31, 2016 at 6:26 pm

    This was really important for me to read. I am currently struggling with my recovery, and fighting, but a piece of me is holding on to the eating disorder. I need to accept that I have to give up control completely and surrender to this process in order to be well. Thank you for sharing your story!

    • Reply Trine August 31, 2016 at 7:52 pm

      I am so happy to know that my post helped you realize that. “Living” in quasi recovery isn’t really living at all. It’s scary and everyday is a fight, but I can’t express how worth it it is. Small steps are still steps! Sending hugs xoxo

  • Reply Take Care of Your Temple: Chocolate Cherry Loaf (Gluten Free) September 2, 2016 at 3:28 am

    […] out my gal Lyss’s post for today here: Ambivalence vs. Acceptance. […]

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