Mourning in Growth

April 17, 2017 in Recovery

“No one warns you about the amount of mourning in growth.”

If there’s one thing I’ve learned in this 20 years on Earth, it’s that life is tough. I’ve climbed a lot of mountains to get where I am today, and I’ll have to keep on climbing those mountains. Life is all about growth: getting a little better, getting a little stronger. But one thing I realized? There is mourning within growth.

Last summer, I thought I really hit my peak. I was thriving. I found a love for yoga, a deeper connection with God, I felt secure in where I was in life: secure in my job, secure in friends, secure in my relationship with food and exercise. Life was good, and my heart was happy. I was living a comfortable life and I was doing my thing. It was the best I had ever been mentally in my life.

But just a few months later, shit hit the fan. And life got tough. Life got messy. The walls of my comfortable life were closing in, and I felt lost. I felt ashamed that I worked myself up so damn high to just come crashing down to rock bottom. I thought to myself, “What’s the point? I can’t get to where I used to be. I’m stuck.” So I carried that mindset for a while. I moped around and let my struggles engulf me. I let my negative mindset carry me through day in and day out. I wanted to change, but I didn’t want to experience the discomfort that change and growth brings.

A few weeks later I quit the moping and the negative Nancy mindset and thought to myself, “You may not be where you were last year, but you will be somewhere different. Somewhere better. You are not going to be the same person as you were last summer. That person is in the past. You are here now.

“No one warns you about the amount of mourning in growth.”

No one warned me. No one pulled me aside and said that this process was going to hurt really freaking bad. I sat with the pain. I sat with the uneasiness. The uneasiness that stemmed from so many things. The uneasiness of what I had gone through, the unpredictability of what is to come, the doubts of me getting to where I wanted to be in this life. All of these uncertainties caused me stress and anxiety; they caused me pain. Because when I want something- I want it now, and I get impatient.

There was pain. There was mourning. There was doubts. There were times I wanted to retreat back to old ways. But I didn’t. Because I knew that all the mourning and all the pain would allow me to bloom into something more beautiful than I was last summer, and it did.

There is no magic cure. No making it all go away.  No easy way out. It is a process. Growth- it takes time, resiliency, and a positive mindset. All things that are tough to keep but oh so important to hold onto. 

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This life is just stunning. Beautiful in every single way. Hold on. Trust the process. Accept the mourning. Growth awaits you on the other side. You. Are. Resilient. YOU are enough.

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16 Comments

  • Reply Lynne (Lynne's Recipe Trails) April 17, 2017 at 7:48 am

    Lyss, I so needed to read this today, thank you!
    One thing is for sure, we continue to grow in this life, with all it’s battles and triumphs. This is how we learn to be the best person we can be at the time. Happy Easter and have a beautiful weekend. x
    Lynne (Lynne’s Recipe Trails) recently posted…Four Cheese and Nut TartMy Profile

    • Reply Alyssa April 24, 2017 at 3:51 am

      thank YOU for reading!!

  • Reply Stephanie April 17, 2017 at 10:37 am

    Beautifully said! Love you!

  • Reply Emily April 17, 2017 at 4:16 pm

    Wow. Yes. Amen. Jesus didn’t promise this life would be easy, but He is with us, and that is BEAUTIFUL. That is victory! You are every day such a blessing to so many who are struggling Lyss.
    Emily recently posted…Why Digestion Has Hindered My Recovery (Digestive Healing Part I)My Profile

    • Reply Alyssa April 24, 2017 at 3:53 am

      thank you so much Emily!!

  • Reply Sarah April 17, 2017 at 8:14 pm

    In my opinion, trusting the process is one of the hardest parts of life. But, I have learned that when I am able to put my faith in God and the plan he has for my life I experience this feeling of peace that is so comforting. Sending love girlfriend.
    Sarah recently posted…Health for Me Looks Different Than Health For YouMy Profile

    • Reply Alyssa April 24, 2017 at 3:53 am

      Putting faith in God is so so so helpful <3

  • Reply Edye April 19, 2017 at 1:21 am

    Life is tough, but so are we! Trusting in God’s plan for my life hasn’t always been easy. So many times I wanted the answer right then and there, but as time went on He made a way. God is good; no matter what <3
    Edye recently posted…21 Mother’s Day DIY Gifts!My Profile

    • Reply Alyssa April 24, 2017 at 3:53 am

      amen to that girl! <3

  • Reply Kristy from Southern In Law April 19, 2017 at 10:08 am

    I have no words but yes. Yes yes yes yes a million times yes.

    Love you, girl!
    Kristy from Southern In Law recently posted…Random Ramblings: Snapshots of Life LatelyMy Profile

  • Reply Melanie April 19, 2017 at 10:29 pm

    Yesss <3 Love these thoughts. It always comforts me knowing God has a bigger plan for us. Growth comes with struggle, but that's how we learn from our past and become stronger. Hope you're having a great week!

    • Reply Alyssa April 24, 2017 at 3:54 am

      thanks so much Melanie!

  • Reply Alison @ Daily Moves and Grooves April 20, 2017 at 5:23 pm

    You are wonderful, Lyss. Indeed, the best way to understand what God has in store for us is to live life, which can be unexpectedly painful, but a quote I read from a website called Regnum Christi is that “the most exquisite flowers sometimes take the longest to develop.” ♥︎
    Alison @ Daily Moves and Grooves recently posted…Marathon Monday 2017My Profile

    • Reply Alyssa April 24, 2017 at 3:54 am

      You are so wonderful. I love that quote too!!

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