Mental health Monday: Being okay with not being okay

May 23, 2016 in Recovery

Hi guys and happy Monday! Hope you all had a lovely weekend. 🙂

Going to be linking up with the amazing Julia for a mental health Monday post!

Mental-Health-Monday-Definition

(PC-Julia)

Today, we are going to be talking about how it’s okay to not be okay. You’ve probably heard this saying before, right? Learning to be okay with simply not being okay. It can get confusing, but boy does this saying go a long way. Sometimes in life, we are just not okay. We may be angry, we may be sad, we may be confused, we may be upset. Those are all normal emotions to have- those are just a sign that we are human. We feel, we get hurt, we cry, we get angry.

For so long I had this belief that I had to just be strong through it all. I believed tears were a sign of weakness, if I was angry I had to quickly put on a smile and pretend like everything was okay, and if I was upset I had not rational reason to be upset so I had to pretend like I was fine. I thought that I had to fake a smile even if I was sad and fake laughter even if laughing was the last thing I wanted to do. But I learned quickly that this was not a way to live, and that if I didn’t let out emotions; they were bound to explode at some point. I think as humans we all believe that we have to put on this tough face and if we are anxious to ignore those feelings and if we are upset to disregard that. But that is NOT healthy. If we are sad, we need to learn to feel that sadness. If we are angry, we need to learn to feel that anger. Feeling every sort of emotion is vital to a healthy frame of mind in my opinion. There is this huge misconception that we have to be happy little birdies all the time full with energy and a smile plastered to our face. But you know what? Sometimes life just sucks, and it’s okay to not be happy 24/7, because God knows I am not! We have these emotions in life because we are meant to feel them, and experiencing them is not a sign of weakness.

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“Sometimes it’s okay to not be okay.” 

Sometimes it’s okay to not be okay. You know why? Because life is just freakin’ tough sometimes! We get thrown all these obstacles. Whether that may be with mental health: anxiety, depression, eating disorders, OCD; these are all huge battles to overcome, and an everyday fight. Of course there are going to be tough days, because tough days are a sign that we aren’t robots. Even if you don’t have a mental illness, there are going to be bumps in the road. Whether that is with family, friends, a relationship, school; life throws us different challenges at all times. But one thing I learned these past 19 years is that not letting myself experience these emotions is even more detrimental to my well-being. I cry, I get sad, I get angry, I have anxiety: I let myself feel all of those emotions. I let myself cry at night if I am sad and I let myself yell or swear if I am angry. Having these emotions by no means signifies that I am weak and shows that I am incapable of things; it symbolizes I am human, and like other humans I feel, I hurt, and sometimes I am just not okay! But learning that it IS okay to not be okay is one thing that really has helped me over the years. Psalm50_15gold

“Trust me in your times of trouble, and I will rescue you, and you will give me glory.” -Psalm 50:15

As this is my blog and I am all for being honest and vulnerable, my anxiety has been up and down and there have been some tears here and there. There has been some conflict within my family which has caused some stress, and there has been some new adjustments I have had to make (summer, starting this new job) that have caused my anxiety to spike at times. Instead of denying my feelings and pretending they don’t exist, I am acknowledging them, I am writing about them; I am letting myself feel these things and I am turning to God, journaling, and the close and amazing people in my life to help me through. I let myself not be okay because I know that the future is bright and this little time right now is tough. But pretending that nothing is wrong and everything is fine and dandy will not help me in the long run. Let yourself feel the sadness, let yourself know that life is full of obstacles, and the one you are experiencing right now is just another one of those that you have to climb- but you can do it.

We’re supposed to feel. We’re supposed to love, and hate, and hurt, and grieve, and break, and be destroyed. And we build ourselves to be destroyed again. And that is human. That is humanity. That is being alive. That’s the point.”

Let yourself not be okay. Let yourself love then hate, let yourself hurt then grieve, let yourself break. Because you will get put back together. Let yourself be destroyed, because you will be okay eventually. Humanity is feeling all these things, being human is getting broken and crying and getting upset then in time after letting yourself be human, overcoming every single hardship and being like, “Wow, I really can overcome any little battle that life will throw at me.”

You have been assigned this mountain to show others it can be moved.”

I am a firm believer that each individual’s hardship is their hardship for a certain reason. God knows that you can overcome it. The universe knows that YOU have been assigned this mountain because YOU can specifically move it.

So remember, it’s okay to not be okay at times.

And like Philippians 4:13 says, “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.”

Thank you Julia for letting me share my thoughts this Monday! And thank you guys for reading and being so awesome. 🙂

Sending my love as always.

Xoxo

Lyss<3

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30 Comments

  • Reply Taylor May 23, 2016 at 1:34 pm

    You are so smart beyond your years! I definitely can relate to this as I have come to realize it’s okay to not be okay for a little while. The bad times and bad days always pass. If I want to cry, I certainly will. 🙂

    • Reply Alyssa May 25, 2016 at 10:36 pm

      Aw Taylor, thank you so much! And amen to that- you have every right to cry if you are sad and you want to! Emotions are meant to be felt 🙂

  • Reply Marina @ A Dancer's Live-It May 23, 2016 at 5:34 pm

    Definitely needed to read this today. I love this!! It’s totally okay to not be okay because we’re all human 🙂 And you’re so right, everything will go back to normal and life will go on. You’re so wise and strong! <3Love you girl, have a great Monday!! xoxo

    • Reply Alyssa May 25, 2016 at 10:37 pm

      Thank you SO much Marina! That is a great reminder too- everything will go back to normal and life does move on! xoxo <3

  • Reply Cayanne Marcus @healthyezsweet May 23, 2016 at 6:13 pm

    In complete agreement sweet girl. I was also the girl who was always smiling..until I had a traumatic experience in my childhood that made me feel not so smiley. I had an adult in my life tell me to smile anyways and as a child, I did as I was told. Today I will never be that child again. When something bothers me I speak up and when I don’t feel like smiling- I don’t! My feelings are mine and I (and everyone else) am entitled to each one

    • Reply Alyssa May 25, 2016 at 10:38 pm

      Amen to that!! I will never be afraid to speak up either- I used to be so afraid to say if something was bugging me! Love how you said you are entitled to your feelings- another great reminder! xoxo

  • Reply Catherine @ foodiecology May 23, 2016 at 6:19 pm

    This was so beautifully put, Lyss.
    I completely agree – it is OK to not be OK sometimes – even though I am the worst at pretending that every bring is fine when it’s not. I’m so bad about bottling up my emotions and then letting them explode when I realize I can’t take it, so thanks for this reminder that it’s ok to reach out when I am sad, angry, scared, etc.
    Take care and I know you’ll get past this season in time! <3

    • Reply Alyssa May 25, 2016 at 10:39 pm

      Thank you so much Catherine for your sweet words <3 I do that too- but I have learned over time that bottling up my emotions will get me nowhere! We should never be ashamed for the emotions we are feeling.

  • Reply Miss Polkadot May 23, 2016 at 6:56 pm

    This! It’s exhausting and even potentially damaging to put on a happy face when we’re struggling so much. Sometimes it’s just a temporary slump but others it’s a longer period of not seeing the light. It’s always okay and should be encouraged to reach out for help.
    I hope you’ll be able to overcome your current hardships soon <3.

    • Reply Alyssa May 25, 2016 at 10:40 pm

      It really is exhausting to put on a happy face all the time, because sometimes we just aren’t happy and that is okay! Thank you so much for your kind words girl <3 xoxo

  • Reply stephanie May 23, 2016 at 7:33 pm

    Thanks Alyssa you are wise and have learned so much in your 19 years. Thank you for your wisdom and your love and for being you!

    • Reply Alyssa May 25, 2016 at 10:41 pm

      thank YOU mom for all that you have taught me!! I love you so much <3

  • Reply Paige May 23, 2016 at 9:36 pm

    This could not be truer. I feel like I always have put a smile on my face and not let people know I’m struggling, but it is so much healthier be real about feelings. If not, they’ll build up and manifest in unhealthy ways. Thank you for this <3

    • Reply Alyssa May 25, 2016 at 10:42 pm

      Yessss- bottling up our emotions never leads to any good at all! Thank you so much for reading girl <3

  • Reply sarah May 24, 2016 at 12:04 am

    You nailed this post girl! I love this… “I am a firm believer that each individual’s hardship is their hardship for a certain reason. God knows that you can overcome it. The universe knows that YOU have been assigned this mountain because YOU can specifically move it.” So well said, and something I also firmly believe. I love you girly and I am so proud of you for allowing yourself to feel during this rough patch and using your tools.

    • Reply Alyssa May 25, 2016 at 10:42 pm

      I love that quote so so much! Thank you Sarah for everything, you are the best girly <3 much love

  • Reply Ellie May 24, 2016 at 12:45 am

    Being ok with not being ok is something I try to battle. For me, I like to look for the happy in every situation. I’m not naïve when things are really bad, but I try to put on a brave face most times. I think having a balance, being able to fake it till you make it, but also having people you can talk to and be anxious/pissed/sad with is important for a healthy life.
    xoxoxo 🙂

    • Reply Alyssa May 25, 2016 at 10:43 pm

      I think that balance is important too! Thank you for reading and your input Ellie, hope all is well <3

  • Reply Kristy @ Southern In Law May 24, 2016 at 2:15 am

    I am someone who definitely puts on a happy face even when things are going wrong – but over the last couple of years I’ve learnt that doing that doesn’t benefit anyone – in fact, for the first time last year I feel like I finally stopped doing that. For me it tends to be an energy/health thing – when I’m struggling with my health, whether it be running on empty when I’m in serious need of an iron infusion or struggling with coeliac related woes or chronic fatigue, I tend to pretend it’s not happening when I’m around others because I get tired of “how are you feeling?” or “I hope you feel better soon”, however, I realised that I was actually SO lucky to have that support – and I realised I don’t have to be superwoman!

    • Reply Alyssa May 25, 2016 at 10:44 pm

      Love what you said on realizing you don’t have to be superwoman! I feel like I have to put on a brave face sometimes too and that people hold these expectations of me to be perfect with mental health, but it is so so important to realize that we are human and naturally break down at points. Thank you for reading Kristy!

  • Reply Kathleen May 24, 2016 at 2:41 am

    Embracing and accepting your weaknesses and struggles is so wise! When we try to avoid our emotions, we just turn to self-destructive behaviors that not only fail to solve our existing problems but create new ones. I feel like just admitting that life sucks sometimes would alleviate a lot of our societal pressure to present an image of perfection all the time. I’m so glad you’re moving toward that place, as I certainly wasn’t there when I was 19. <3

    • Reply Alyssa May 25, 2016 at 10:46 pm

      Thank you so much Kathleen for reading and your kind words! Love hearing your input too. Admitting that life just flat out sucks sometimes is so important and healthy even! It does alleviate those societal pressures.

  • Reply Emily May 24, 2016 at 6:58 am

    Amen!!! HUG. <3 This is so true, and it takes so much humility to admit that you're not okay, that you could use support, prayer, encouragement. We are weak, but He is strong, and I think I've seen the abundance of His grace and love and power through my weakness. I'm really really grateful that God mercifully brought me to this blogging/recovery community, because it has shown me more and more the value, the treasure of being real, of being honest with your struggles, of pouring them out, and moving on, of fighting because Christ Jesus is our captain.

    • Reply Alyssa May 25, 2016 at 10:47 pm

      Thank you so so much Emily! You inspire me to deepen my relationship with God each and every day. Thank you for your kind words and being a great friend <3

  • Reply Cora May 24, 2016 at 11:23 am

    Exactly.
    It wasn’t until I started seeing a therapist that I even realized all the repressing of emotions I had been doing my entireeee life. And low and be hold, this is really what lead me into my eating disorder, anxiety and depression. It is just so damaging to repress our emotions. We need need need to let them out and we need need need to TALK. Even if it is just a simple, “how are you? —> “Actually I’m not very good. I had a crappy day.” Even this can take off so much weight from our shoulders and, most often, actually make us feel immediately better. Its when we stay silent and pretend things are “okay,” that they just stay inside us and grow and grow and then need to be dealt with somehow – and often this “somehow” comes in the form of an unhealthy coping mechanism.
    You are so wise beyond your years, my girl <3

    • Reply Alyssa May 25, 2016 at 10:48 pm

      Thank you so much Cora <3 Repressing my emotions led me down dark paths too, and it is SO much better to just admit to how we are feeling or if we are having a tough time! That will bring us to a state of mental well-being, not just bottling everything up inside. Thank you for reading! 🙂

  • Reply Amanda @ Real Life Recovery Diary May 24, 2016 at 5:03 pm

    Oh my gosh great minds think alike I swear. I just wrote a post with the same title almost 😛

    This is something that is so true. We don’t have to pretend to be perfect all the time with perfect Instagram pictures and perfect selfies and perfect lives. It’s ok to admit that you’re struggling and ask for help. It’s ok to be vulnerable. I love this so much just like I love you pretty girl! <3

    • Reply Alyssa May 25, 2016 at 10:50 pm

      Ahh they do!! I will be checking yours out ASAP 🙂 Amen to the perfect Instagrams too- that drives me crazy! It is okay to admit to not doing well, it doesn’t make us weak: it just shows we are human! Love you lots Amanda <3

  • Reply Julia @ Drops of Jules May 25, 2016 at 2:06 am

    LOVE THIS. I get so caught up in the constant journey toward perfection, but I need to realize it is a fruitless endeavor. Thank you so much for your transparency, Lyss. <3

    • Reply Alyssa May 25, 2016 at 10:52 pm

      It really is such a fruitless endeavor like you said. Thank you for reading Julia and the link up, much love for you girly <3

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