Another Year Done

May 12, 2017 in About Me / College

I feel like I haven’t written on here in forever… and I apologize for that! When finals come around all my energy goes towards school and keeping myself mentally sane. But I will be back and doing what I love on this blog so I am super excited for that.

With the end of a year usually comes a lot of reflection- something I honestly haven’t had the time to do yet, but know I will regardless. And for the little bit of reflection I have done on this year, I wanted to share with you today.

God put so many challenges in my life sophomore year and there were times that I simply wanted to give in, but looking back I have true faith that only I could’ve climbed those mountains. I can’t believe how much I’ve grown since September. Just goes to show you that you can really turn pain into gold. 

This year showed me pain.  Raw, real pain. Walking into the year feeling as good about my life as I have in a while, yet somehow crumbling within 3 months in. Crumbling and shattering at the seams. There were times first semester I did want to throw in the towel. No one knew the pain I was feeling- the pain of my relationship, the pain I felt every single night going to bed questioning why I had this dark cloud over my head- a cloud that I simply just couldn’t lift. I kept all of this in. I kept the times where my ex would do or say things that hurt me, the times where his actions were not something I wanted to be associated with, the times where I felt so trapped. All of this I held within me- and it soon burst, just like all things do. But it burst in the form of cutting. Cutting my wrists because it was the only way I felt I could release this pain.

Psalm 56:3- “When I am afraid, I put my trust in you.”

I had to put my trust in something greater. I trusted in God to bring me through what he brought me to- because I knew he could, and I knew somewhere deep down on my toughest days I could make it through these obstacles. So I went to group counseling, ended a relationship, and started fresh in 2017. Fresh with the mantra that this was my year of growth. This was the year that I would truly embrace the word energy. Energy in the fact that I only would put it into things and people that made me happy, people that gave this energy back.

Focusing on energy made me realize that I had to let go of some friendships. I had to let go of the people that were no longer serving me and giving me this energy back that I was putting into them. Was it hard? Absolutely. But I needed people who I could genuinely connect with. So I opened my arms up to new people, new souls. I held tightly to my few close friends and embraced more amazing friendships and people into my life.

This year I finally realized something. I am good enough on my own. I do not need a man to add to me, because I am WHOLE as is. I embraced my independence, I embraced my strengths and worked on building my confidence. And I learned that never will I ever again settle for a man. Never will I shrink myself for someone else.

This year showed me how privileged I truly am. Being in areas of poverty opened my eyes to how the world is still broken and I want to do more to change it. These experiences I have had ignited a spark within me to work towards repairing the world. I want to make an impact- I want to start change and do something greater. The world is hurting and so are thousands of people out there. I want to work harder to fix that.

“You cannot change what you refuse to confront.” 

“Why be racist, sexist, homophobic, or transphobic when you could just be quiet?”

This year I embraced learning in way I never have before. I didn’t dread class. I saw it as an opportunity to gain more knowledge. So many people do not have this privilege of attending college, so why whine about it? Of course complaining is normal, but recognizing how blessed I am to have this experience really switched my mindset about school around. It is not all about the grades, it’s about what you learn and what you truly take out of it.

Hardship. Pain. Embrace. Growth. Learn. Energy. Love. Compassion. Gratitude.

Just a few of the words that have shown me a lot this year.

“Recovery is possible.

Always.. “Be strong and sturdy like wood. Be fluid and flow like water.”

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  • Reply Stephanie May 12, 2017 at 1:49 am

    You my dear are amazing!!!

  • Reply Emily May 12, 2017 at 7:42 pm

    thank you for sharing these lessons. <3 So thankful God by His mighty grace brings us through, washes us, cleanses us, and teaches us to trust in Him!
    Emily recently posted…Dealing With Amenorrhea and StressMy Profile

  • Reply Sarah May 14, 2017 at 1:50 pm

    So proud of you Lyss.
    Sarah recently posted…Part Two: Nutritional Therapy in the Treatment of DepressionMy Profile

  • Reply Cora May 16, 2017 at 7:43 pm

    You, my darling, are so beautifully and impressively wise beyond your years. You know that? Its taken me years longer than you to be able to even think these thoughts. Let alone begin to fully believe and practice them. Trusting and practicing these new pieces of wisdom are going to come and go and you are going to continue – unfortunately – to learn difficult lessons. We all will, all our lives. Just keep that head on your shoulders and keep bringing yourself back to this beautiful, clear, grounded place you know you have in you. So much love to you, and congratulations on this massive, and hard, year. <3

    • Reply Alyssa May 19, 2017 at 2:58 am

      I cannot tell you how much that means to me… SERIOUSLY. You are an angel love. Thank you for taking the time to read and write out such a sweet comment. I adore you.

  • Reply Melanie May 16, 2017 at 7:47 pm

    Proud of you girl! Can’t wait to see what the next year holds for you!! <3

    • Reply Alyssa May 19, 2017 at 2:58 am

      thank you Melanie!!

  • Reply Kristy from Southern In Law May 17, 2017 at 6:09 am

    What a year you’ve had! I am so glad you embraced learning and really looked at class as an opportunity – not something to dread! You are amazing! <3
    Kristy from Southern In Law recently posted…Recipe: Healthy Ham and Potato Soup (Gluten Free & Grain Free!)My Profile

    • Reply Alyssa May 19, 2017 at 2:58 am

      thank you so much Kristy <3

  • Reply Alison @ Daily Moves and Grooves May 17, 2017 at 9:47 pm

    Ugh this is beautiful, Lyss. God is good. It has been a privilege to watch you grow and learn about who God truly created you to be — a whole, strong, inspiring woman. ♥︎ Congrats on finishing another year!
    Alison @ Daily Moves and Grooves recently posted…Weekend ConfessionsMy Profile

    • Reply Alyssa May 19, 2017 at 2:59 am

      God is so good- and I cannot tell you how much that means to me. Love you girl<3

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